One thing I am fucking proud of in my life is I don’t blame others for my mistakes, I think of myself as a survivor of my mistakes and troubles.
Quite often I get asked about what’s it like living in a room or trying to give me tips on how to move but the simple fact is, it seems to bother other people more than it bothers me and nerd boy, we have a roof over our heads and that’s the main thing, we have our kids at the weekend and yeah, it’s not ideal sharing a room with your kids but believe it or not, it’s actually rather nice and that’s not me bullshitting you, when we had a house they would all go off to different rooms and we wouldn’t see them for ages, bedtime would come around and that was it, living in a room at bedtime (my kids really as nerd boys kids go to bed way before us and have been room sharing for as long as they can remember and go to sleep with clicks of fingers basically!) we all have chats about nothing in particular, quite often it’s a question session and it’s actually really nice, especially when they climb out of bed and lean on the end of our bed and we have in depth chats that we just wouldn’t have in a house. Obviously if we had the children full time then we would get a house or if gran kids came along but for now, if it doesn’t bother us then it shouldn’t bother anyone else in my opinion.
Yes we find ourself in a complete pickle with finances but again, yeah we can’t afford holidays or nice meals out but that’s not the end of the world is it?
Yes we are a bit weird but who is ‘normal’, nerd boy likes dungeons and dragons and will try and convert you to play and no, it’s really not a kids game!! It’s actually rather hard to play when you first start and kids younger than 10 years old can’t seem to understand it and for a child it’s rather boring as unless there is a battle happening (sorry husband I can’t remember the other name for battle!) then they find it slow and can’t concentrate, so before you judge his choice of hobby and think it’s immature, try playing it and see for yourself, I’m proud of him really he set out to start playing and now he is a DM (dungeon master) and he did exactly what he set out to do, some people can’t see his drive and while ‘it’s only a game’ it takes time and commitment. This is also another misconception of our life, some people seem to think that nerd boy doesn’t have any ambition or is lazy, he is far from it. Before I came along with a car he would think nothing of walking miles with the kids each week to get to and from his mums, to the town or taking them home, it’s only since my lazy arse came along who can’t be bothered to walk that far he has started taking more cabs, every day he would walk almost two miles to the train station and back again, sometimes he would ride over 5 Miles when he changed his starting station to get to work and then ride home, he helps around the house more than I would like him too, I very often wake up to a washing machine on spin cycle and another load waiting to go into the machine, sometimes when I can’t manage dinner as I can’t stand for too long because my hernia hurts like a bitch or I simply can’t move because I am crippled with anxiety he comes home from work and gets the dinner on and washes up. He would literally do anything for anyone, even if that meant going without himself. He is a fantastic husband and a brilliant father, he never shows he is upset and I am sure he has so much going on in his head but he doesn’t like to worry me about things, he always has a smile for everyone and has the energy of the Duracell bunny, some find it annoying but I love him for it, he makes me laugh, smile and feel loved from the moment he wakes to the moment he falls asleep. Yes he doesn’t drive, as he says that’s what legs are for and everywhere else is assessable by public transport, he doesn’t have an amazing job but it pays the bills and keep food on the table, he doesn’t like the things every other man seems to enjoy but that’s what makes him, well him.
So never look at us and think we aren’t happy with living in a room because we are, yes it’s expensive for a room but we don’t have bills to pay and quite frankly at the moment it helps us enormously, although in the long run it doesn’t help because when we finally are in a position to move into a flat or something we will have a shock but that’s our shock to worry about, never think we are playing the victim, we rarely ask for help with things unless we are really desperate, we never ask for your sympathy because we don’t have ‘much’ in our life, we may not have a nice house, a car or fancy holidays but we have each other and to me that’s the most perfect thing in the world, all those things do make your life happier I guess but to us, we are happy just as we are.
I may talk about our problems, some could say I overshare but that is me and because I do say how I am feeling doesn’t mean I am looking for ‘poor you’ or anything, I say how I am feeling because I don’t want to bottle things up and be one of those people that look like they are holding it together but secretly drowning in issues, I let those around me know I have issues, the reason I may be sad one day and I can’t think that is a bad thing.
My life isn’t how I thought it would turn out at all but you know what? I wouldn’t change it for the fucking world because I have nerd boy, my kids and his and that’s all I need, as long as I have a roof over my head as long as I have those things then life is good.