family

Friends with your ex

There isn’t much I am proud of in my life apart from the usual but there is one thing I am immensely proud of something that has taken some work at the beginning and that is my friendship with my ex husband and the friendship that formed with him and my new husband, I am also proud of the fact I can call my ex husbands girlfriend a friend too.

I hear so many stories in the media and from real people about how they hate their ex and their new partners but I’ve always been one to fight the ‘norms’ in life and not buckle to trend, my ex husband (big Edwardo) was my friend long before children came along (I’ve known him 28 years) and even though our marriage didn’t work out we have remained friends well after it ended and I think this has had an amazing impact on our kids, they see both their mum and dad still laughing at the bad jokes and still going off to the pub together, they see our new other halves joining our family and none of it’s weird, I’ve had comments when I’ve been sat with both my ex and my new husband, I’ve seen the odd looks on people’s faces when they try to work it out in their heads ‘how can they possibly be friends?!’ Because first and foremost we have children together and making sure they are happy and settled is our main priority in life, they see my ex and Adam at a family bbq last summer working together to make sure it’s the best birthday bbq ever, they see me and their step mum talking and getting along and I am hoping that they have learned something from us and god forbid that if they had a break up where kids are involved that they take what we did for them and build on it.

It probably helps that Adam is so understanding of my friendship with Edwardo, if he couldn’t have accepted that we simply still get on, I don’t know what would have happened but the simply fact is, Adam gets on with most people and he understands it’s important to me.

Take this weekend for example, our middle child went off to college and left home, of course I wanted to see him off and Edwardo didn’t hesitate when I asked if I could come too, in-fact I think he was the one who suggested it, for the past two nights I’ve stayed at his house back on the sofa and it’s been totally normal, totally comfy and been very relaxed, the boys have seen all three of us (Adam couldn’t come as he had his kids) talking, laughing and being there when they need us the most, the night our eldest got hit by a van and we raced down to Kent, they didn’t hesitate to say we could stay and I ended up staying a couple of nights, sure I’m staying in my old house but I don’t see it like that anymore, my home is elsewhere, don’t get me wrong it’s nice being down here for a few days but I prefer it back home with Adam but it’s nice to wake up with the kids and it’s also nice to wake up with friends around me too.

Of course being friends with your ex isn’t for everyone and there are reasons why some don’t get on anymore but going through a split like ours, allowed us to forge a good relationship with our kids and each other, sometimes my ex is the person I speak to about my problems (like you would a best friend) and sometimes he confides in me, not often but he has done and we always say ‘this might be a bit weird’ but after a while it just feels like two friends talking and we forget we were ever married, sometimes it feels like (maybe it’s because we have known each other a very long time) that we are just comfy with each other and advice is often well heeded and taken.

Edwardo even came to our wedding reception, he drove the boys down and hung around while I got ready and drove the boys to the venue and came back for the reception, if he hadn’t of been there it would have been very weird (he drew the line at the actual wedding!) it would have felt like a friend was missing, him and his girlfriend also bought us the best gift ever (a fox door stop, it was a nod to our friend we lost last year) it took centre stage all night and I found it thoughtful and lovely of them both to take the time over that.

I am glad we could see past the break up and set an example to our kids and they are happy with their life, they still have both parents who never fight over them, they never see us with a cross word and now they have step parents too that get along, for that I am proud and will continue to be for the rest of my life.

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