Social media is a pain in the ass for someone that suffers from anxiety, who also craves to be liked, it shows who is popular and who isn’t, who has a ‘perfect life’ and who is as honest as they come.
Take me for example, I posted something that was pretty big to me yesterday afternoon, I posted I got a new job and I posted it to say how proud I was of myself after a pretty horrible couple of weeks and out of my 98 ‘friends’ on Facebook 2 liked it and 1 commented, I know there was a pretty big game on later in the evening but every fucker and his wife was on Facebook yesterday, even people I have never met in a private group I am in liked and commented more than my own friends and family in the past eight hours.
While I don’t need approval and only physical people should matter, it bothers me that out of everyone on my friends list, even my nearest and dearest (despite knowing they have all been on there) have chosen to ignore it or turned off my updates.
I like to try and keep my Facebook to people I have actually met and have said more than hello to, I’ve removed people from work because they never interacted with me on there and was just a gossip point at work for them and others, I like my Facebook to be personal, some eight years back I had over a thousand (imagine my birthday!) ‘friends’ but woke up one morning and asked myself ‘why?’.
I am not out for likes, sympathy or anything else but it would be nice that when I post something that even half of my list interacts with me because to me, why be on there? Yet one of my ‘friends’ can post something really mundane and they get dozens and dozens of likes and comments, my self esteem is at zero a lot of the time.
I try and remember a time without phones and social media but sadly that memory is a distant one, I just wish I could switch it all off and not worry about it but it’s hard. We’ve all become so used to it and sometimes it is a useful tool, especially for my work, it’s a vital piece of media I just wish so damn hard I didn’t let it bother me so much.