daily life, love, mental health

It’s good to talk

Everyday begins with an act of courage and hope: getting out of bed. Mason Cooley

Mental health awareness week is here and it’s crazy to think we have a week that is dedicated to mental health but as suicide is on the rise it’s brilliant that something like this can be brought to the forefront and discussed, because like I’ve seen a lot this week: it’s ok not be be ok.

Mental health awareness is very important to myself and the man who saved me, you see over the space of 6 months myself and him lost someone each due to mental health issues, he lost his cousin a day after his birthday, the day before was like a normal day we celebrated his nephews birthday that was on the same day and we went home and put our first Christmas tree up and we were blissfully unaware of what was going on else where, the next day started like usual and then that’s when everyone’s lives fell apart and no one would ever be the same again. Then just 6 months later I got a call from my old boss to say my friend, I would call her my best friend had died and time just stood still for what felt like forever, at first I thought it was some kind of joke but this wasn’t a joke and I knew as soon as it sunk in that it was suicide, she had split up with her partner a few weeks before and wasn’t coping and it turns out she wasn’t coping with other issues in her life but this was her all over and never liked to talk about herself.

How do you cope with something like this? The courage I have seen and the strength that both mums have has been amazing, truly amazing, If it was me in that situation I think I wouldn’t be able to get out of bed but they have, the uncle too, has been an absolute rock for the man who saved me’s auntie. Sadly my friend lost her dad a few years ago and this was another struggle she had, unbeknown to me and she suffered from body image hugely, she was beautiful but could never see it.

Could talking of helped these two? Who knows, we will never ever know and I’ve laid in bed day after day sometimes thinking ‘could I have saved her?’ But it’s an question I can never answer, the Friday before she died she texted me a few times and we had a very nice chat which I thought was odd as she usually took forever to text back, I used to wait days sometimes and she said she was ‘feeling sleeping and goodnight’ too me and that was the last I heard from her, her goodbye to me, if only I knew it was her last text to me I could have reached out to someone as I lived miles away, I even had a chat about her to Edwardo on the Sunday, he was telling me for the first time since her and her partner split up she was alone for the weekend and I said then I was worried about her, by then it was already too late as she passed away on the Saturday and on the Monday I got the call. If only she told me how bad she was feeling, this is why as Bob Hoskins would say in the BT adverts, it’s good to talk.

When I split with Edwardo and first moved away to Essex, I struggled and I mean I struggled, see my blog post https://adventuresofageekyqueen.com/2018/04/15/hes-just-not-that-into-you/ to read about my struggle with my marriage ending. And then when I moved to Essex there were days I wouldn’t get out of bed or dressed and days I would pray to whoever not to let me wake up again but here I am, thankful that my prayers wasn’t answered and proof that my mental health wasn’t as extreme as I imagined but back then I thought it was.

If you need to talk. Call the Samaritans: 116 123

It’s ok not to be ok.

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